Six tube lights with metallic casings, one big bright bulb shining in your face, the sound of a drilling machine somewhere in the background and a person staring at your face…
I know what you’re thinking…What the hell is she doing in a Police interrogation room ??? No ! I wasn’t in an interrogation room. I WAS IN THE DENTIST’S OFFICE. Yes. Well, my experiences with the dentist have not always been very pleasurable. They’ve begun with “Oh My God !” and ended with “Phew Thank God”. Neither of which are very reassuring statements to hear even in normal conditions, let alone when someone is examining your insides and your jaw is sore from his hands sticking into your mouth.
Dentists scare the S#!t out of me. My first dentist was a very tough man. I visited him first when I was around ten or so…and his lab was in an old dilapidated building. He happened to be an old friend of my dad’s. My father joked about his office once…”I think your building needs a “Root canal and a filling” ahahahhaha”. Even the imaginary fly sitting on the dentist’s nose didn’t move because his expression didn’t change one bit. “Well at least I tried” my father thought. The next day, a slab of concrete fell onto what once used to be, the dentist’s reception desk. Oddly after that I never got an appointment with him. Hmmm…I wonder why…Now when I look at the building, it reminds me of Frankenstein’s apartment where the mad dentist kills people by pulling out their teeth one by one…without Anasthesia…very funny actually because they would make toothless ghosts !!!
Now I just think the poor chap was Anthropophobic
So began the next search for a dental surgeon. My friend’s friend who inci-dentally was my father’s friend’s, brother’s, son’s, friend, acci-dentally stumbled across someone who was to be my next dentist. So we went to his clinic and he’s been my dentist ever since. (Do not make me take names…He is extremely reputed and famous and shit expensive) I’ve been going to his clinic for 14 years now. But it only struck me in my last visit to him that he has put out a bowl of candy at the reception ! OUTSIDE SWEETS INSIDE SWEATS !!! The horror of it. This, my friend, is called, “Generating business”. The guy has a brilliant mind. Anyway he was just as expensive but not as tough. At least he would say “ Sit Janhavi…” my earlier dentist would just point at the chair. He would then say “Open your mouth” (My old dentist used to wait and if I wouldn’t open, I think he would have pinched me so that I holler in pain. At least my mouth would open)
So this guy treated me very well and getting an appointment was a mess totally. It took a month for an appointment. Dreadful. Just before one of my fillings, I thought let me initiate some small talk. I told him once “Doctor, actually you should compensate me for these tooth decays” I expected him to say “Why” (Huh. The impossible things that I dream of). He didn’t (Of course). So I continued anyway “…. because, the waiting period on your appointment list is so long that my cavities deepen in your waiting room .…ahahahahahhahaha…”. Needless to say, the procedure was more painful than it would have been if I would have opened my mouth only when he asked me to do so. I really wished kicking oneself in the shin was physically possible that one time in my life. People who know me will believe it when I say, I am very talkative. Every time in the middle of the process of a cap fitting or a filling, he would say, “Janhavi, stop wagging your tongue” literally ! So when he knew it was going to be a long process, he would stuff my moth with a lot of cotton…under the pretext “There will be a lot of saliva !”
My boyfriend’s father’s sister’s husband’s brother’s younger son inci –dental-ly (The joke is getting old I think) a dentist. He jokes around, talks more than me. So the tongue wagging is compensated. I just nod in appreciation. He gives me a running commentary of what is being done.. “Janhavi now I am going to inject you with an anesthetic, (Then a pink needle comes in view and enters my mouth. and my jaw goes numb)…now I am going to drill your tooth. It is a painless but very noisy procedure (a metal drill comes into view and Brrrrrrrrr….drrr.whirrrrr….by this time the noise is so unbearable, my ears decided to take better care of my teeth)...
There were at least fifteen different colored needles on the table and I am sure all of them paid a visit to “Nerve land” . I bet when the dentist used the needles, he was thinking, “This little piggy went to market...This little piggy stayed home…this little piggy had roast beef….” I did not have the stomach to look at how many he had used…
The best part about this new dentist is that he is multilingual… He speaks English, Hindi, Marathi, Gujrathi, Malayalam and since he’s been in Dubai for 15 years I think he can manage a little bit of Arabic as well. Its like listening to Worldspace radio !!!
This time around I’ve decided to keep my mouth firmly shut unless requested to do otherwise or else I’m going to make a lot of dentist enemies in a, lot of different states in India and in Dubal….
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